https://www.johncderrick.com/logs/ Autism, neurodivergence, identity, and the autistic experience — from the digital lab notebook of John C. Derrick. en-us Fri, 13 Mar 2026 09:00:00 EST https://www.johncderrick.com/logs/finding-tribe https://www.johncderrick.com/logs/finding-tribe Fri, 13 Mar 2026 12:00:00 EST On the unmistakable hum of recognition when you see your people for the first time on a screen — and the strange grief of realizing they were always out there, just separated by geography. https://www.johncderrick.com/logs/missed https://www.johncderrick.com/logs/missed Fri, 13 Mar 2026 09:00:00 EST A personal log on accepting that I was one of the countless autistic people missed by the diagnostic system of the 1980s and 1990s — and what it means to stop waiting for permission to know what you already know. https://www.johncderrick.com/logs/ai-aac-neurodivergent-communication https://www.johncderrick.com/logs/ai-aac-neurodivergent-communication Tue, 10 Mar 2026 09:00:00 EST AI is functioning as augmentative communication for autistic people — not because we cannot speak, but because the distance between what we mean and what neurotypical protocol demands has always been the real disability. https://www.johncderrick.com/logs/autism-reference-guide https://www.johncderrick.com/logs/autism-reference-guide Fri, 06 Mar 2026 10:00:00 EST A field guide to what autism actually looks like versus neurotypical baseline — written as advice to the version of me who spent three decades assuming everyone's brain worked like this. https://www.johncderrick.com/logs/autism-gaslighting-log https://www.johncderrick.com/logs/autism-gaslighting-log Fri, 06 Mar 2026 09:00:00 EST On the persistent, reflexive habit of gaslighting yourself about being autistic — even when every piece of evidence confirms it. Why the doubt loop exists and why it never fully closes. https://www.johncderrick.com/logs/autistic-guilt https://www.johncderrick.com/logs/autistic-guilt Mon, 02 Mar 2026 09:00:00 EST That persistent feeling of guilt when you have done nothing wrong is not a character flaw. It is a defense mechanism built by a lifetime of invisible rules. On chronic autistic guilt, the Ghost Mistake, and how to audit the signal. https://www.johncderrick.com/logs/grovetop-products https://www.johncderrick.com/logs/grovetop-products Thu, 26 Feb 2026 12:00:00 EST I made a hat and a t-shirt. Both carry the infinity symbol. Both exist because I got tired of the autism merch aisle looking like a medical catalog. https://www.johncderrick.com/logs/autism-and-disability https://www.johncderrick.com/logs/autism-and-disability Wed, 25 Feb 2026 14:00:00 EST Is autism a disability, or is it a disability within a neurotypical-default world? An honest examination from both sides — the real costs and the manufactured ones. https://www.johncderrick.com/logs/autism-employment-wfh-rto https://www.johncderrick.com/logs/autism-employment-wfh-rto Wed, 25 Feb 2026 13:00:00 EST Research log on the correlation between remote work and autistic employment. WFH reduced barriers. RTO is rebuilding them. The data gap that makes this invisible. https://www.johncderrick.com/logs/resting-doesnt-fix-exhaustion https://www.johncderrick.com/logs/resting-doesnt-fix-exhaustion Tue, 24 Feb 2026 09:00:00 EST Your brain looks like it powered down. It didn't. For neurodivergent minds, stillness is when the real load kicks in — and rest that ignores that will always come up short. https://www.johncderrick.com/logs/the-mask https://www.johncderrick.com/logs/the-mask Sat, 21 Feb 2026 15:00:00 EST My first piece of autism-oriented artwork. AI-generated, but the metaphor landed harder than I expected. An infinity symbol made of puzzle pieces and roots — and it looks exactly like a mask. https://www.johncderrick.com/logs/thinking-about-thinking https://www.johncderrick.com/logs/thinking-about-thinking Fri, 20 Feb 2026 12:00:00 EST Metacognition and neuroticism feel identical from the inside but they are fundamentally different operations. One is a telescope. The other is a smoke detector. Knowing which is which changes everything. https://www.johncderrick.com/logs/redlining-since-september https://www.johncderrick.com/logs/redlining-since-september Tue, 17 Feb 2026 15:00:00 EST The autistic nervous system doesn't crash in February because of winter. It crashes because it has been accumulating sensory, social, and thermoregulatory debt since September — and the buffer finally runs out. https://www.johncderrick.com/logs/blinking-yellow https://www.johncderrick.com/logs/blinking-yellow Tue, 17 Feb 2026 13:00:00 EST An extended driving metaphor for the autistic experience. Every sign is out of focus, every light is blinking yellow, and everyone else is just driving. https://www.johncderrick.com/logs/vulnerability-fears https://www.johncderrick.com/logs/vulnerability-fears Tue, 17 Feb 2026 09:00:00 EST The hardest part of vulnerability is not the fear of being judged. It is the fear that your words become the thing that divides the room. On being purple in a binary world. https://www.johncderrick.com/logs/etiquette-vs-masking https://www.johncderrick.com/logs/etiquette-vs-masking Mon, 16 Feb 2026 13:00:00 EST 'Behave' is one word. But for autistic people, it is an enormous context-dependent computation that assumes you already have the lookup table installed. On the blurry line between etiquette and masking. https://www.johncderrick.com/logs/whose-human https://www.johncderrick.com/logs/whose-human Mon, 16 Feb 2026 09:00:00 EST AI companies are racing to make models 'more human.' But whose version of human? Because right now, 'more human' means 'more neurotypical' — and that's a design choice nobody is questioning. https://www.johncderrick.com/logs/the-wet-blanket https://www.johncderrick.com/logs/the-wet-blanket Sun, 15 Feb 2026 09:00:00 EST What autistic burnout actually feels like, why standard recovery advice fails, and what has actually helped - from environment engineering to nature as neurological medicine. https://www.johncderrick.com/logs/spike-graph https://www.johncderrick.com/logs/spike-graph Sat, 14 Feb 2026 10:00:00 EST Why the autism spectrum is not a line. A visual explanation of the spike graph model, masking, and what it actually means when someone says they are autistic. https://www.johncderrick.com/logs/autism-and-entrepreneurship https://www.johncderrick.com/logs/autism-and-entrepreneurship Sat, 14 Feb 2026 09:00:00 EST The statistical correlation between autism and entrepreneurship. Why autistic minds build exceptional companies, why the traditional workplace fails them, and the support systems that make the difference. https://www.johncderrick.com/logs/anam-cara https://www.johncderrick.com/logs/anam-cara Thu, 13 Feb 2026 09:00:00 EST A reflection on the people who recognize you before you recognize yourself. On neurodivergent connection, vulnerability, and the mark left by someone who called me their soul friend. https://www.johncderrick.com/logs/autistic-nervous-system-guide https://www.johncderrick.com/logs/autistic-nervous-system-guide Thu, 12 Feb 2026 09:00:00 EST A long-form breakdown of how the autistic autonomic nervous system differs from the neurotypical one. Sensory gating, threat-assessment loops, shifted baselines, and why masking is hardware-level exhaustion. https://www.johncderrick.com/logs/deep-sea-fish https://www.johncderrick.com/logs/deep-sea-fish Sat, 07 Feb 2026 09:00:00 EST A discussion on why autistic traits persisted in human evolution. The argument that neurodivergence is not a disorder, but a specialization that clashes with modern environments. https://www.johncderrick.com/logs/one-word https://www.johncderrick.com/logs/one-word Fri, 06 Feb 2026 09:00:00 EST I used AI to help rewrite my autobiography. It helped me distill thirty years of confusion into a single, clarifying word. https://www.johncderrick.com/logs/double-empathy-problem https://www.johncderrick.com/logs/double-empathy-problem Tue, 03 Feb 2026 09:00:00 EST Why autistic communication isn't "defective," just different. Explaining the Double Empathy Problem through the lens of operating systems. https://www.johncderrick.com/logs/the-wrong-chair https://www.johncderrick.com/logs/the-wrong-chair Tue, 28 Jan 2026 09:00:00 EST The realization that the CEO role is often a trap for the Systems Architect. Why I am happier in Operations, and why "Masking" at the executive level is a recipe for burnout. https://www.johncderrick.com/logs/we-were-always-here https://www.johncderrick.com/logs/we-were-always-here Wed, 14 Jan 2026 09:00:00 EST Reflecting on the history of neurodivergence: We are not a new trend; we are a newly recognized reality. https://www.johncderrick.com/logs/ai-neurodivergence https://www.johncderrick.com/logs/ai-neurodivergence Sun, 11 Jan 2026 09:00:00 EST Why autistic people see AI as a prosthetic, while neurotypicals see it as cheating. https://www.johncderrick.com/logs/depth-mismatch https://www.johncderrick.com/logs/depth-mismatch Fri, 19 Dec 2025 09:00:00 EST Snorkelers vs. Scuba Divers: A theory on communication bandwidth and neurodivergence.